I’ve heard it countless times from clients: “We nearly got divorced trying to build this house!” In fact, during some projects, I’ve felt more like a family counselor than a designer! Building a home is a huge milestone, but it can also bring on stress that leads to tension between you and your spouse. While I can’t promise there won’t be disagreements, I can help you relieve some of the stress by focusing on clear communication.
One of the best strategies I’ve come across came from a client who told me they scheduled regular “design dates” throughout the process. I absolutely love this idea! Setting aside time to talk about the build helps ensure that you and your spouse stay connected and communicate effectively. You won’t always agree, but by taking the time to discuss each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and opinions, you’ll find compromises that work for both of you.
Start with Location: Where Do You Want to Build?
The first discussion I recommend having on one of your “design dates” is all about location. Deciding where to build your home is a huge factor, and it’s one of the biggest areas couples tend to disagree on. Instead of avoiding the conversation or letting it lead to frustration, approach it with an open mind and a willingness to listen. Here are a few key questions to guide your conversation:
1. What’s Important About the Location?
• Do you prefer to be close to your job or within a specific distance of amenities like grocery stores, gyms, or restaurants? Talk about the practical aspects that matter most to both of you.
2. Are School Districts a Factor?
• If you have kids or plan to in the future, school districts can be a big consideration. Discuss if this is important and look into neighborhoods that align with your educational preferences.
3. How Do You Feel About Living Near Family?
• Some people love the idea of living close to their in-laws or extended family, while others prefer a bit more distance. This can be a sensitive topic, so be honest with each other about what feels best for your relationship and lifestyle.
4. Privacy vs. Community: What Do You Prefer?
• Do you envision your home on a private piece of land with no neighbors in sight, or do you love the idea of a tight-knit neighborhood where you can chat with neighbors regularly? Discuss what atmosphere you each picture for your daily life.
The Power of Communication
Building a home together is as much about compromise as it is about construction. By scheduling regular “design dates” and starting with the location conversation, you’ll lay a solid foundation for the rest of the process. Even if you have different opinions, taking the time to hear each other out and appreciate each other’s priorities will make the journey smoother and less stressful.
Appreciating Each Other’s Strengths and Weaknesses
In many cases, one partner may be better at visualizing the layout, while the other might be more detail-oriented when it comes to budgets or timelines. By recognizing and valuing these strengths, you can divide and conquer the decision-making process more effectively. Lean into each other’s skills rather than letting differences create friction.
Building With Less Stress
The building process will always come with its share of challenges, but by focusing on open communication, you can avoid many of the pitfalls that cause stress for couples.
Remember, you and your spouse are a team, and building your dream home should bring you closer, not further apart. So grab your calendars, set up those “design dates,” and start building both your home and your future—together!
